5 Stages Of Grieving For A Buddy Who’s Getting Married

Greetings, Steve here. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross defined many years ago the 5 stages of grief and stated that they were often exerienced by people in all sorts of stressful situations. I'm 28 years old and this is the age when many people get married and many of my friends are rashly doing just that. I'm not saying marriage is a bad thing, but it seems to be that many times those involved don't stop to consider the effects on their buddies.

For example, suppose a guy, let's call him Mike, has a best friend, Joe. Mike and Joe spend all kinds of time together and do all kinds of things together. They become very close and engage in all kinds of male bonding, sometimes to the point where they can't stand up under their own power. Then, one day, Joe decides to marry his girlfriend, Sarah. Joe likely has not taken any time to consider how his changing life circumstances will affect Mike, his best friend of many years. Mike won't want to tell Joe this, since he's so clearly happy and so Mike has to deal with it on his own. Guys tend to think about a friend who's getting married basically the same way they would if he had died. If you don't believe me, you're probably not a guy. Mike is likely to go through the classic 5 stages of grieving for his friend. They are as follows:

• Denial: Innitially Mike will deny there is even a problem. He'll say things to others like, 'I don't believe it. He was only 31.' He will avoid talking about the wedding. If Joe presses him on the subject, he will hold his breath until he passes out. Mike is in denial.
  
• Anger: Mike will become very angry at Joe's fiance for stealing his best friend. Of course, he won't say this, but he'll think it and he'll get back at her by secretly not paying attention to her instructions for the best man's responsibilities. As far as Mike's concerned, the best man's responsibilities are pretty much limited to remembering the ring and trying to make sure Joe doesn't operate farm equipment during the bachelor party.
  
• Bargaining: Mike will start to say things to Joe like, 'You know…you'll never get to sleep with anyone again. Are you sure you want to get married? No, no, I'm just sayin'. This is usually the stage where Joe will punch Mike in the face for not sharing in his heart-felt joy. Once this has happened a few times, it's time to move on to
  
• Depression: Mike won't go anywhere. All the things that used to bring him happiness are now of little interst to him, because he can't do them with Joe. He won't go drinking or set fire to anything. It's kinda sad.
  
• Acceptance: Ideally this stage will happen in time for the bachelor party, which is the traditional ceremony for saying farewell to a friend who's gone to a place where you can no longer talk to him…a house with window treatments. Mike will say things like, 'He always loved cow-tipping in the nude. I'll…miss him so much,' and Joe willl scream indignantly, "I'm right here ya jerk.'

And women say men have no emotions.

From: whenrealityknocks.com

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